The Immediate Spark Myth debunked

"She was a nice girl, but I didn't feel chemistry" "He was smart and funny, but I did not feel the spark"

If I had a dollar for each time I have heard or read this, I'd be rich.

We have all been there! We have mistaken that initial spark or those butterflies in our stomach for true love.

Your head goes to that electrifying first date that left you breathless or the magnetic pull you felt when you locked eyes with someone across the room. It is easy to get swept up in the excitement and think: This is it!

But let’s come back to reality for a second. The spark, while thrilling, often fades; It is a mix of novelty and nerves, a fleeting rush that doesn't always translate to lasting compatibility.

Think of it like this: The spark is like the fizz in your soda; It is fun and exciting but temporary. True attraction, on the other hand, is like a fine wine; It matures and deepens over time, built on shared values, mutual respect, and emotional intimacy.

As a matchmaker, I am a romantic at heart, and I am not too ashamed to say I enjoy Hallmark movies, where a couple quickly meets and discovers love. As a coach, I have also studied a lot about the science of relationships and want to help you get a long-term relationship; hence, I am sending you this piece of unrequested advice, and you can thank me later.

Stop looking for the immediate spark!

The spark could also signal a trigger because the person reminds you of someone or something that probably was not too good for you but was tumultuous and exciting. Your brain finds it familiar and wants you back on that train. (insert choo choo sounds and alarm bells here)

Stop! Do you even know where this train is going?- says your best friend at the station.

If you are serious about finding true love, stop getting on the wrong train, being mesmerized by the shiny exterior, and dismissing all the other transportation methods that could take you to a great destination.

Am I asking you to settle? NEVER.

If you found red flags or dealbreakers, by all means, thank that person and say goodbye, but if the only wrong thing was the lack of spark, then give it a few more dates to assess how you feel.

I suggest you allow yourself to experience the underrated: "Slow Burn" or the longer road, to keep the train analogy.

I am asking you to challenge the familiar and try something new; find that deeper connection that makes you feel aligned, at ease, and great about yourself.

After giving a relationship more time, you may discover that you want to kiss that person regardless of their height, age, or physical appearance. You will find that smile that makes you smile, that look that makes you feel seen, the arms that make you feel safe, and those warm and fuzzy feelings you get when someone treats you with respect, care, and love.

Let us support you through your dating journey. Let's start with a strategy call and find your best path.